Surviving the days you feel alone, even when surrounded by others
There is an odd, somewhat so hard to describe feeling of being alone, isolated and misunderstood that is associated with baby-loss, whether a miscarriage or stillborn, the same waves of isolation and darkness seems to get to us all. Even when in a room full of people, there is a feeling of not being understood, not being able to explain or describe how you feel and at times, not sure how to even tell others that you would like to speak about your sweet angel. It can be the silence of others that also contribute to this isolation.
One thing I must say is, you are not alone.
Many of us, if not all of us angel mummy's can relate to this feeling, it can feel so isolating that you find yourself talking to yourself in your mind or regularly having to remind yourself that you will be okay. It can be made much harder when those around us are unable to realise how much we just need to talk about our feelings. Not because they are bad people but because, some just cannot relate to such a loss unless they have also experienced it.
This is where, being able to talk with other angel mum's becomes so important. Although we may not feel ready straight away, there is a great ability to suddenly feel understood and cared for, when you connect with a woman who knows exactly how you feel because she too feels it. Whether this be online or through a support group, the importance of speaking with women alike can make a huge difference. Our friends and family may not always want to talk about our loss, in fear it would make us sad but a fellow angel mum will know how much weight can be lifted when we are able to freely and openly discuss our sweet angels.
Another way you may find releases this feeling of isolation, is to write down exactly how you feel. Not all of us will feel able to explain our feelings verbally as well as we can by writing them down. Sometimes all we need to do is get the feelings out in the open whether by mouth or on paper, it can release a lot of emotional tension to have the freedom of expressing your true inner feelings and grief with no fear of being misunderstood.
Some feelings of isolation may also occur due to triggers, whether this be a specific date, time of the year, a TV show or song. Things around us may also cause us to just feel alone with our thoughts and feelings but this doesn't mean that we should shut those things off completely and some things just can't be avoided. Instead, we can look for a positive such as the song allowing us to remember our sweet baby, or the show being a memory that we are able to cherish. Even starting a blog on this emotional trigger and why it is so memorable and important to you may be a surprise when you are able to see how many other women can relate to you.
There are no instructions or guides on how to understand the many different feelings that come with baby-loss and we may have times where it feels easier and others where it feels impossible, all that we can remember is that, we are never alone even when it can feel so. And, when you need somebody to care, MASS is right here.