Understanding the man also going through the miscarriage; our partners grief

There is no question, that men certainly don't feel the physical impact of a miscarriage but they most certainly feel the mental, emotional and spiritual. Although, often dismissed and not discussed, men are exposed to very similar feelings of grief that we as women feel, however expressed in different ways.

Men are taught to be the ''alpha-male'', to provide, help us to produce and to be strong so when there are moments that make him feel weak in life, his response may be to just keep going, take on as many roles as possible and try to carry on with life. This may seem a ''cold'' or somewhat emotionless response to your loss, but it doesn't take away the same pain and grief that he's feeling inside, it's just that he feels a greater need to be a man for you and be the strength. Because of this, men often go unnoticed by family and friends, sometimes they may not have the same support but also need it. 

They may also get an overwhelming feeling of helplessness, they love you and will hate seeing you in this much hurt and sadness but knowing there is nothing that they can do, can also make them feel much worse. 

We won't always be able to process how our partners may be feeling when we are carrying such heavy emotional burden and pain ourselves, it's not selfish or wrong, it's just that we are hurting and not everything will be clear to us. It is important that we try to talk to our partners, let them know that talking is okay and that you two are who you both need right now. Don't allow grief to be a blockage with your communication, remember that you will both need one another's love and care during this time. 

He may become more obsessive with work and want to spend more time there, this isn't because he doesn't want to be around you, it's because he want's to feel as though he is doing something right by being productive and still providing for you as a man. This may make your feelings of isolation more intense but try not to blame him, instead let him know how it makes you feel and that you'd like to spend more time with him. Sometimes time with someone we love can be a great healer. 

Remember, that grief will be different for us all. There is no right or wrong way for men or women to grieve but there are ways that we can try to understand one another and get stronger as people but most importantly as a unit. 


Keysha JadeComment